Day 81

When we last left our scene, the elder had just spoken good and comforting words to the Apostle John. The elder delivered the cue line and there is a beat. Then John lifts his eyes,

"And I looked, and behold, in the midst of the throne and of the four living creatures, and in the midst of the elders, stood a Lamb as though it had been slain, having seven horns and seven eyes which are the seven spirits of God sent out into all the earth. Then He came and took the scroll out of the right hand of Him who sat on the throne."

It still amazes me that this is how Jesus chooses to be revelaed in this moment. In reality Jesus is now and will forever be a man in a glorified body (He isn't some sort of spirit being or shape shifter as far as we know,) but in this vision, it's as if Jesus is whispering to John, "Remind them that I am the Lamb." Jesus is the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world from John 1. He is the perfect sacrifice from Hebrews 10. Jesus is reminding this people that he is not worthy to take the scroll just based on His divinity, but as the elders will tell us in just a few short verses, He is worthy to take the scroll because He was slain.

Most people try to separate the Jesus of the first coming and the second coming. You know, smiley Jesus vs. wow-you-seem-angry-kinda-like-the-God-of-the-old-testament Jesus. But in this vision, Jesus is making it clear to John that this man who is unleashing the greatest time of trial is the same one who laid down His life for His friends. The same man who bore the full wrath of God for the ungodly, will be the one who will be the dispenser of that wrath for those who reject Him. Just thinking about this makes me want to fall in love with Him more and follow His leadership to the end. He is so worthy. I am just tongue-tied and bursting with inarticulate-ness. Aarrgghh.

Hmm...yeah. I've got nothing after that.

Day 80

It amazes me that I haven't written in a week. What could I have possibly been doing? Well, I am still taking a class on Revelation, which is why I haven’t posted in a while. I have been way too busy writing and posting on the forums for class. It has been really good, but in the midst of working out all of the small details about Revelation, I keep coming back to this one point. This whole book is about the Lamb. When Jesus gave John this revelation, he showed Himself just as He wanted to be portrayed. I love the scene in Rev 5 when Jesus first makes His entrance.

Picture this. John is seeing heaven in the midst of a dynamic scene. The Father, the glorious One who is seated on the throne is holding out a scroll to the entire created order. Who is worthy to take the scroll? The cry rings forth and a search ensues. I can just imagine angels being sent forth searching throughout heaven and earth and under the earth. They return breathless (do angels breathe?) and between gasps declare that no one could be found. Not one person was worthy. Nothing could be more tragic! John is overcome with emotion and begins to weep. I see him begin to cry out with deep inconsolable sobs. There is silence in heaven save for the sorrow welling up in the beloved apostle's heart. But then an elder taps John on the shoulder and delivers the most comforting message that I have ever heard.

“Do not weep. Behold, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the root of David, has prevailed to open the scroll and to open its seals.”

I was going to continue on to the entrance of the main character, but I just can’t move on from this verse. He has prevailed. There is something that is so powerful in that simple statement. He did it. He conquered death for us all. Here is being presented by His covenantal names, the Lion of the tribe of Judah and the Root of Jesse. He has so carefully chosen how he would reveal himself to us. He could have come forth as super Jesus, complete with giant ‘S’ painted on His chest and a cape. But no, He reveals himself to us in the way that He wants to be seen.

I have decided that it is late and I am going to wait until tomorrow to speak about the main character’s entrance. But just in case you guys don’t like cliffhangers, I will give you a hint.

He appears as a Lamb that has been slain, and the implications are stunning.

Day 74

Tonight, I was once again posting on the Book of Revelation forum. I was trying to comment on Jamie's article on the 'resisters' in the book of Revelation, but I got so confused and confounded that I muttered a few things and gave up. I just couldn't comprehend how anyone could even sustain bearing the full wrath of God being poured out in the bowl judgments. OK, I know I am loosing some of you. (If you are dying to know more, just go to the onething forums on at www.ihop.org.)

But the most stunning thing in all of my wrestling and contemplation is that God continues to show ridiculous amounts of mercy even in the midst of pouring out the full measure of His wrath in the bowl judgments. How can He still be showing mercy and unleashing the fullness of His fury? It is absolutely stunning and I don't understand it one bit. I found this verse in Isaiah that accurately fits this attribute of God.

"Seek the LORD while he may be found; call upon him while he is near; let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the LORD, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.
(Isa 55:6-8)

The Lord is longing to have compassion on the wicked and unrighteous. God will abundantly pardon those who return to him. He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in loving kindness! I don't understand it one bit, but I am entirely thankful for it.

In refereance to the 'resisters', I had to get Danny Hibberd to help me out of my conundrum. He reminded me that before I was redeemed, I was essentially a 'resister.' I was under wrath, although I was not experiencing the full weight of it, and yet, the Lord was providing me the grace to turn to him. It is certainly a mystery! It tweaks my soteriology, but what can I do? His thoughts are certainly not my thoughts and His ways are so confusing it makes my head spin, but I am so glad for it.

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!
(Rom 11:33)

I am sick

I am sick. I have been sick for days. I have this sinus-pain-and-pressure-why-does my-face-hurt-so-much-sore-throat-death-cough-maybe-it's-the-black-lung? thing going on for a while now. I have been spending day after day in bed, hours and hours with nothing to do but read people's blogs and post on the Book of Revelation forum, which just shows how nerd-core I am.

Tonight I had some friends visit me and they brought me a cheesy-sappy-romantic comedy to watch. It amazed me to realize that I have not watched a movie that was made before 1960 in the last two months. (Kevin and Kathrine took me to see "A Night at the Museum" for my birthday.) As I was watching this movie, I realized two very important things:

1) I am not missing much by not watching movies. Not to say that I didn't like the film, but I wish that I could have had two hours worth of real life experiences with real people than watch other people live life for me. Come on, that's just lame.

2) I really want to be in love. Now, it might be a combination of the sinus-death-flu, the night-time medication and the movie, but I realized that I have had a broken heart for too long now. I am tired of it and I want to really walk out in love. Now, I don't think that I am quite ready to jump on the relationship boat, but I at least think that it is time to start feeling again. So, that might be way too personal for the blog world. If so, I blame the medication...

Pray that I get better so that I can go back to the HOP. I had so many people tell me not to come back until I am better. (Either that or cover my mouth when I walk in the room and cry out, "Unclean! Unclean!") But really, when I am sick, there is no place that I would rather be. So, hopefully, I will be back in the swing of things tomorrow.

Adventures in Apostolic Prayers

Sometimes when you pray the apostolic prayers, you are just asking for it. Let me explain.

For the past month and a half, I have felt like every friendship I have has just been falling apart. Weird stuff, serious stuff, deep wounds, and sudden offenses have just been the norm across the board. Truthfully, I have contemplated becoming a hermit more than one in the past month. I got to the point where even the though of trying to love someone would cause me to flinch. I just couldn’t understand what was going on. It is what we call ‘the whomp’ in my family. “Take two, take two, take two, take two, joker, joker, joker, whomp; thrust into the upper stratosphere." (Yeah, as I am looking at that last sentence, I realize that my last sentence doesn’t make any sense to someone who hasn’t ever played my family’s original card came, but you get the gist.) Suddenly and without warning the cards are against you and all you can do is wonder, “Why is this happening to me?”

So yesterday, I was asking the Lord that exact question. The answer that I received was unexpected. I was reminded of a prayer that I consistently prayed last November when I got stuck for a while on Philippians 1:9-11.

“And this is pray, that your love may abound still more and more, in knowledge
and depth of insight. That you may approve the things that are excellent and be
sincere and without offense until the day of Christ Jesus, being filled with the
fruits of righteousness.”

I was asking the Lord to make me a person who loves well; a person who can love people the way that they need to be loved. Last November, I felt like the Lord wanted to teach me to love by starting with my family first and then moving on to my friends. The Lord, tenderly and gently brought me through the fire of Thanksgiving and Christmas and I emerged from the holiday season with slight bruises and a renewed love for my family.

I have to admit, in the month of January, I completely forgot about the other half of my prayer. Then the first weekend of February hit. Whomp. Betrayal. Whomp. Offense. Whomp. Lashing out in anger. Whomp. Taking sides. Whomp. The silent treatment. And then yesterday, the light bulb pops on. In the midst of all this drama, I am supposed to be loving my friends; especially when they are being particularly unlovable (to be fair, I have been particularily unlovable in the last month too.) I am seeing that it is easy to love your friends when your circumstances are going great, but it is the hardest thing in the world to love unconditionally. It is so hard to love people well, and so easy to slip in to selfishness and offense. I had no idea it was going to be this tough.

So, the final summation is this: when I started praying, I was asking for it, and the Lord is going to be faithful to answer. Soon enough I am going to be a great friend. I am going to be someone who loves well with knowledge and discernment. I am going to be a friend who can love unconditionally and walk through the fire of circumstances with you with an un-offended and un-selfish heart. Hopefully, it will be very, very, very soon. But right now, if you see me think, Phil 1:9, and shoot up a prayer for me.

Sorry this was so long.

Random facts about Charity Bates

I was thinking about this yesterday, and I realized that most of the people who read this blog don’t really know me that well. There is actually someone who has me on their blog roll and has misspelled my name. Charity Bates. Yeah, I'm not naming names, but maybe, you should fix that. So that thought concerned me, and therefore, I decided to compile a top-ten list of mostly random, totally true facts about myself. Kristine can attest to all of them, they are all true. So, I hope you enjoy it, and if you think that I am a pretty great person, then maybe we could actually get to know each other outside of the ‘blog world.’

1) I love old books. I went to the library yesterday and got the most amazing books, old classics for $0.25 a piece. I was so stoked. I bought 13 of them! But hands down the best one was ‘Modern’ English drama. (In quotes because all of the plays were pre-1800’s). Including: Dryden’s ‘All for Love,” Sheridan’s ‘School for Scandal,’ and Goldsmith’s ‘She Stoops to Conquer.” Words cannot describe how happy these books make me. This leads me to my next point.

2) I am a total Theatre Nerd. I say this unashamedly. I love theatre. I love theatre history and dramaturgy. I am just a sucker for a good play. In fact, I have over 200 plays at my house right now!

3) One more point about theatre is that I love musicals. My favorite musical is Urinetown: the Musical. This is not a joke. It is HYSTERICAL! It is a self-referential play, brechtian in style, a satire on the adverse effects of monopolizing corporations on society as well as a shameless a parody of Les Mis. Come on, it’s just wonderful. My favorite quote goes like this: Officer Lockstock – “People hear lots of things about Urinetown of course, and that’s just the way we like it. For example, a little boy once asked me, ‘Is Urinetown actually a nice place to live? Gingerbread houses along golden frothy canals, like Venice? Only different?’ I didn’t say yes, but I didn’t say no either.”

4) During my senior year of college, I go so burnt by my church that I switched churches and started going to a church that meets under the overpass of I-35. The congregation was mostly made up of homeless guys, hippies and bikers. It was awesome.

5) I am 25 years old and I still sleep with a stuffed animal. His name is Holzwarth and he is a 1 ½ foot tall penguin.

6) When I was growing up, I went to a French Immersion School. What does that mean? It means that when you get to school on the first day of Kindergarten, the teacher only speaks to you in French. I took all of my classes in French: math, science, social studies etc. We only took ½ an hour of English a day to study reading, writing and spelling. I did that for 8 years and then I moved to Texas where everyone speaks Spanish.

7) I have this one prayer that I found in a book and loved and so I pray it everyday.
Father, grant me the grace to never loose sight of:
the exceeding sinfulness of sin,
the exceeding righteousness of salvation,
the exceeding glory of Messiah,
the exceeding beauty of holiness,
and the exceeding wonder of grace.

8) My car’s nickname is “The Chariot.”

9) I absolutely love food. Lots of food. All types of food. I know that this flies in the face of all that the ‘fasted lifestyle’ stands for, but there is nothing I can do about it. However, there are two things that I cannot tolerate, coconuts and popcorn.

10) I am the oldest of 5 kids. I really love my family even though I haven’t lived at home for the past 7 years. Here is a picture…an old-y but a good-y.



That's it. I hope you enjoyed your 'random Charity facts day'!

Day 65

Today we started our third module - The Book of Revelation - with Dave Sliker. It should prove to be an informative and entertaining venture. So, for the next three weeks, most of my 'beholding' verses are probably going to come from Revelation. Actually, Sliker made and interesting comment today in class. He said that the book of Revelation is actually the main way that Jesus wanted to be revealed to His people, not the gospels. I don't know if I buy that completely, (actually, I would like to see Sliker vs. Venable on this subject...) but I know that there are descriptions of Jesus in the book of Revelation that I could stare at for days. So I am just going to start at the beginning, it's a very good place to start. Rev 1:7,

Behold, he is coming with the clouds, and every eye will see him, even those who pierced him, and all tribes of the earth will mourn on account of him. Even so. Amen.

I know that as I begin to gaze at the person of Jesus and the events surrounding His second coming that two main things are going to happen in my heart. Or at least this is what I am praying for. I am praying that as I gaze at the leadership of Jesus, that I will fall even more in love with Him and truly begin to long for the day when He splits the sky. The second is that my love for Him and the 'urgency of the hour' will drive me to the place of prayer to cry out for people to know this man. Seriously. the day is coming when every eye will see Him, whether they want to or not and I want as many people standing with Him on that day as humanly possible. Yep. Jesus is coming back and millions of people don't know it yet. Pray for salvation. Pray for a unified Bride. Pray for messengers to be sent to the entertainment industry. The message has got to get out.

Day 63

Tonight at the Night watch meeting, Clay encouraged us to remember that we are still in a time of consecration and to remember why we are doing what we are doing. Ouch. I have certainly let the solemnity of the Solemn Assembly slip from my consciousness. One of the things that I set out to do for these 90 days was to make it a habit to daily behold and bless the Lord. However, in the last month, I have certainly become slack in my endeavors. But one great things about the HOP is that we are constantly given chances to 're-sign-up-again.' So, I will try my hardest to daily 'behold the man, the lamb and the branch.' He is so beautiful. It is amazing how quickly we can become distracted from the only thing that really matters. The necessity of 'setting my mind on things above' cannot be overstated. I need to keep my eyes glued to His face no matter what other good things demand my attention.

So keep me accountable. If you don't see me consistently writing, then I expect a barrage of emails reminding me of my commitments!

Day 59

Here are some updates of life in KC:

1) Last week we had a mini-revival break out in our Introduction to Revival and it's leaders class. Since then we have been having Solemn Assemblies every night in the Prayer Room to fast and pray and seek the Lord's face. Hosea 10:12, "Break up your fallow ground until the Lord comes and showers righteousness upon you."

2) This weekend we have the Passion for Jesus conference. This means that I have been spending every available moment hanging and re-focusing the lights in FSM. I have to say though, I absolutely love my new job and I wouldn't trade it for anything! If you are coming to the conference, watch out for the new spin-ny lights!

3) On a personal note, I have been going through a hard time lately. The Lord has been bringing up some deep issues and old wounds that need to get dealt with. The interesting thing is that I think that the Lord is going to use two of my friendships to bring forth this healing. This means that the three of us need to get together and seek the Lord, because I have this funny feeling that unless we do it together, it won't get done. So pray for me and my two friends. We need the Lord to break in for us.

4) Finally, one of my favorite people in all the world is now blogging. She is an ex-ihopper and is the person who convinced me to come to KC in the first place. KRISTINE DAVIS! I love her, I love her, I love her. She is wonderful and verbose and I can't wait to read what she has to say.

So that's it. Consider yourself updated.

Day 54

Then I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse! The one sitting on it is called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he judges and makes war. His eyes are like a flame of fire, and on his head are many diadems, and he has a name written that no one knows but himself. He is clothed in a robe dipped in blood, and the name by which he is called is The Word of God. And the armies of heaven, arrayed in fine linen, white and pure, were following him on white horses. From his mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations, and he will rule them with a rod of iron. He will tread the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God the Almighty. On his robe and on his thigh he has a name written, KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS. (Rev 19:11-16)

Jesus you are the only one who has been faithful to my heart. All of your ways are just and true. I ask that in the midst of accusation, pain and fear that you would defend my heart. Oh, Judge of the earth, would you judge the enemies who make war against me. I need you to fight for me. I need you to protect me and to bring restoration to my soul. I thank you that you have decreed to make all things new and I know that you will be faithful to complete the work that you have begun in me.