For the past month and a half, I have felt like every friendship I have has just been falling apart. Weird stuff, serious stuff, deep wounds, and sudden offenses have just been the norm across the board. Truthfully, I have contemplated becoming a hermit more than one in the past month. I got to the point where even the though of trying to love someone would cause me to flinch. I just couldn’t understand what was going on. It is what we call ‘the whomp’ in my family. “Take two, take two, take two, take two, joker, joker, joker, whomp; thrust into the upper stratosphere." (Yeah, as I am looking at that last sentence, I realize that my last sentence doesn’t make any sense to someone who hasn’t ever played my family’s original card came, but you get the gist.) Suddenly and without warning the cards are against you and all you can do is wonder, “Why is this happening to me?”
So yesterday, I was asking the Lord that exact question. The answer that I received was unexpected. I was reminded of a prayer that I consistently prayed last November when I got stuck for a while on Philippians 1:9-11.
“And this is pray, that your love may abound still more and more, in knowledgeI was asking the Lord to make me a person who loves well; a person who can love people the way that they need to be loved. Last November, I felt like the Lord wanted to teach me to love by starting with my family first and then moving on to my friends. The Lord, tenderly and gently brought me through the fire of Thanksgiving and Christmas and I emerged from the holiday season with slight bruises and a renewed love for my family.
and depth of insight. That you may approve the things that are excellent and be
sincere and without offense until the day of Christ Jesus, being filled with the
fruits of righteousness.”
I have to admit, in the month of January, I completely forgot about the other half of my prayer. Then the first weekend of February hit. Whomp. Betrayal. Whomp. Offense. Whomp. Lashing out in anger. Whomp. Taking sides. Whomp. The silent treatment. And then yesterday, the light bulb pops on. In the midst of all this drama, I am supposed to be loving my friends; especially when they are being particularly unlovable (to be fair, I have been particularily unlovable in the last month too.) I am seeing that it is easy to love your friends when your circumstances are going great, but it is the hardest thing in the world to love unconditionally. It is so hard to love people well, and so easy to slip in to selfishness and offense. I had no idea it was going to be this tough.
So, the final summation is this: when I started praying, I was asking for it, and the Lord is going to be faithful to answer. Soon enough I am going to be a great friend. I am going to be someone who loves well with knowledge and discernment. I am going to be a friend who can love unconditionally and walk through the fire of circumstances with you with an un-offended and un-selfish heart. Hopefully, it will be very, very, very soon. But right now, if you see me think, Phil 1:9, and shoot up a prayer for me.
Sorry this was so long.
5 comments:
I am proud to be your friend and excited to watch God work Phil. 1:9 in your life. He will do it. Lean into Him.
i actually find you to be quite lovable. and i love that you love to learn about love. yeah, i said it. what.
God bless you, charity bates. i pray you good tidings all the way. yes.
and thank you for being vulnerable. that takes courage. i admire you.
It's so refreshing to receive revelation. I'm so happy you got some that will change you in your inner man. And may your love truly abound still more and more. Get on the journey bandwagon, yo!
Jesus loves Charity so much He raises up stranger to intercede for her. How much more will her friends intercede for her? We love you!
You mam are a good egg, a darn good one. He is faithful and you got no idea the love that will abound or even the ridiculous ammount that does now. Be blessed in everything.
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