The post you've all been waiting for!

Finally! Charity decided to write something on her blog! Well, in truth, Charity decided to tell you that she switched to wordpress 2 weeks ago and has been writing without the watchful eyes of her adoring fans.

But now the wait is over!

Check out Charity's new blog at www.beholdandbless.wordpress.com

Leave a comment to let me know you made the switch!

Confessions of an Intercessory Missionary

The conundrum is resolved! I am including the final draft of my one page (double spaced) article on prayer for any and all who would like to see what I would write to a church that has no paradigm for IHOP. It's not much, but it'll do.

Once again it’s time for the Nightwatch at the International House of Prayer. Settling into my blue chair, I prepare for another six hour shift. From midnight to six a.m, I pray, worship, read the Word, and declare that the night belongs to the Lord. What would ever posses a person to pray all night? Two main motivations thrust me into this life of prayer.

The first was the realization that many who are up from 12-6 a.m. are not engaging in godly activity. This gives me a sense of urgency to pray for my generation, that they will stop giving themselves to darkness and come into salvation through Jesus Christ. The second motivation is that most people who are awake at night are blaspheming the name of God. Because of this, I want to be one of the few who will bless the Lord and love Him in the night. Psalm 134 says, “Behold, bless the Lord all you servants of the Lord who by night stand in the house of the Lord!” I am called to see who God has revealed Himself to be through His word and bless Him for it. God wants me to worship Him and to minister to His heart as much as He wants me to pray and minister to others around me.

As National Day of Prayer draws near, I would like to give you a few helpful hints about prayer. The first is that your prayers don’t have to be long and wordy to be heard. Five and ten second prayers count significantly. Each time that you turn your heart to the Lord and ask Him for something, He hears and He will move on your behalf. The second is the power of praying scripture. The bible is chock full of promises that the Lord has given us for every situation. If you are confused, then you can pray for wisdom and revelation (Eph 1:17-19). If you need to know that God loves you, then you can pray to know the depth of God’s love (Eph 3:16-19).

These two things have helped me stay in the place of prayer more than anything else. I have seen that things really do change when people pray. It is crazy but true. He can’t help but answer His bride crying out for His kingdom to come. I bless you guys as you continue in your life of prayer, and I am praying for you!

Sincerely,
Charity Bates
Intercessory Missionary IHOP-KC

My conundrum

I am in a bit of a conundrum. I have been asked by my church back home to write a 1 page (double spaced) article about prayer. When I received this request I felt two emotions at the same time. First, elation because I would get to share with people who have no idea what I do here in KC and hopefully open their eyes to a life of prayer. The second emotion was something more like dread, the thought lingering in the back of my mind was, “Oh, no, what am I going to say?”

But last night I sat down and just started writing random, stream of consciousness thoughts about prayer. I filled up six pages. I stared at my screen in disbelief. How can I articulate what the Lord has taught me in the past two years in the space of two paragraphs? Where do I start? How can I fit it all in? I mean, prayer isn’t just about asking God for things. Well, it is and it isn’t. But it’s also about worshiping, beholding, studying, discovering, gazing, loving, longing, fasting, seeking, knocking, interceding, decreeing, reading, prophesying, singing, ministering. This is about a life of prayer, not just about a prayer meeting.

I feel the weight of this assignment more than anything FSM has asked me to do in years. Why? Because I am hoping that this one little article could launch a handful of people into a life of prayer. Consider the implications of my Presbyterian Church back home beginning to fast and pray and ask God to break into their lives. One thing that I have learned here is that things really do change when people pray. It is crazy but true. He can’t help but answer His bride crying out for His kingdom to come.

So, that is my conundrum. My article is due on Monday. If any of you guys have words of wisdom to share, they would be greatly appreciated.

I don't know what to say to that...

Tonight I received one of the most awkward compliments of my life. And so, the award for Most Awkward Compliment of 2007 is given to JD Wenger for this stunning statement from coffee tonight.


"Wow Charity, if I could kiss your brain, I would."



I mean really, what are you supposed to say in response to that? Thank you?

So you might be asking your screen, what did I say?

Well, I laughed out loud and said, "Wait...What?...What?...Oh, my gosh, that was amazing. I have to write that down."

And then I did. But it was still really awkward.

What day is it?

Hmmm...where to begin. First off, day 90 of our time of consecration same and went without fanfare or recognition. This is mainly due to the fact that our silence in the PR was extended another three months and the rest of the habits that we were trying to establish have become part of our culture. So, now I have to try to come up with something cool for the titles of my posts, or not.

The verse that I came to this evening was one of those happy accidents. I was reading Psalm 19 about the law, statutes, testimonies and the fear of the Lord. Micah started singing a great chorus and so I closed my eyes and joined in. When I opened my eyes I went back to my place and found this verse,

"I will bless the Lord who has given me counsel; my heart also instructs me in the night seasons. I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved." (Ps 16:7-8)

As I was reading those verses jumped out at me. I had that, "who put these new verses in my bible" feeling. Then I kept reading and I realized that the pages of my bible had flipped and I was in Psalm 16. I was alright with it though. After everything that went on last week, this verse came up as a confirmation to my heart. When everything in my life got a good shake down, I was not moved because I had set the Lord before me. At this thought I began to smile because it means that all of those "settled and established in love" prayers are actually working. Beholding and blessing the Lord really changes things in your heart and in your life. The crazy thing is that I wouldn't have seen the fruit of it unless some obstacles came against me. It's funny how it all works out in the end.

Also, as I side note. I am more than willing to conform to the popular kids and switch to wordpress, but I need someone to walk me through the process. Any takers?

Don't give up on me!

Yes. I am still alive.

Yes. I know I haven't written in a while. I have been really busy.

But I promise I will be back soon.

Don't give up on me.

Day 81

When we last left our scene, the elder had just spoken good and comforting words to the Apostle John. The elder delivered the cue line and there is a beat. Then John lifts his eyes,

"And I looked, and behold, in the midst of the throne and of the four living creatures, and in the midst of the elders, stood a Lamb as though it had been slain, having seven horns and seven eyes which are the seven spirits of God sent out into all the earth. Then He came and took the scroll out of the right hand of Him who sat on the throne."

It still amazes me that this is how Jesus chooses to be revelaed in this moment. In reality Jesus is now and will forever be a man in a glorified body (He isn't some sort of spirit being or shape shifter as far as we know,) but in this vision, it's as if Jesus is whispering to John, "Remind them that I am the Lamb." Jesus is the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world from John 1. He is the perfect sacrifice from Hebrews 10. Jesus is reminding this people that he is not worthy to take the scroll just based on His divinity, but as the elders will tell us in just a few short verses, He is worthy to take the scroll because He was slain.

Most people try to separate the Jesus of the first coming and the second coming. You know, smiley Jesus vs. wow-you-seem-angry-kinda-like-the-God-of-the-old-testament Jesus. But in this vision, Jesus is making it clear to John that this man who is unleashing the greatest time of trial is the same one who laid down His life for His friends. The same man who bore the full wrath of God for the ungodly, will be the one who will be the dispenser of that wrath for those who reject Him. Just thinking about this makes me want to fall in love with Him more and follow His leadership to the end. He is so worthy. I am just tongue-tied and bursting with inarticulate-ness. Aarrgghh.

Hmm...yeah. I've got nothing after that.

Day 80

It amazes me that I haven't written in a week. What could I have possibly been doing? Well, I am still taking a class on Revelation, which is why I haven’t posted in a while. I have been way too busy writing and posting on the forums for class. It has been really good, but in the midst of working out all of the small details about Revelation, I keep coming back to this one point. This whole book is about the Lamb. When Jesus gave John this revelation, he showed Himself just as He wanted to be portrayed. I love the scene in Rev 5 when Jesus first makes His entrance.

Picture this. John is seeing heaven in the midst of a dynamic scene. The Father, the glorious One who is seated on the throne is holding out a scroll to the entire created order. Who is worthy to take the scroll? The cry rings forth and a search ensues. I can just imagine angels being sent forth searching throughout heaven and earth and under the earth. They return breathless (do angels breathe?) and between gasps declare that no one could be found. Not one person was worthy. Nothing could be more tragic! John is overcome with emotion and begins to weep. I see him begin to cry out with deep inconsolable sobs. There is silence in heaven save for the sorrow welling up in the beloved apostle's heart. But then an elder taps John on the shoulder and delivers the most comforting message that I have ever heard.

“Do not weep. Behold, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the root of David, has prevailed to open the scroll and to open its seals.”

I was going to continue on to the entrance of the main character, but I just can’t move on from this verse. He has prevailed. There is something that is so powerful in that simple statement. He did it. He conquered death for us all. Here is being presented by His covenantal names, the Lion of the tribe of Judah and the Root of Jesse. He has so carefully chosen how he would reveal himself to us. He could have come forth as super Jesus, complete with giant ‘S’ painted on His chest and a cape. But no, He reveals himself to us in the way that He wants to be seen.

I have decided that it is late and I am going to wait until tomorrow to speak about the main character’s entrance. But just in case you guys don’t like cliffhangers, I will give you a hint.

He appears as a Lamb that has been slain, and the implications are stunning.

Day 74

Tonight, I was once again posting on the Book of Revelation forum. I was trying to comment on Jamie's article on the 'resisters' in the book of Revelation, but I got so confused and confounded that I muttered a few things and gave up. I just couldn't comprehend how anyone could even sustain bearing the full wrath of God being poured out in the bowl judgments. OK, I know I am loosing some of you. (If you are dying to know more, just go to the onething forums on at www.ihop.org.)

But the most stunning thing in all of my wrestling and contemplation is that God continues to show ridiculous amounts of mercy even in the midst of pouring out the full measure of His wrath in the bowl judgments. How can He still be showing mercy and unleashing the fullness of His fury? It is absolutely stunning and I don't understand it one bit. I found this verse in Isaiah that accurately fits this attribute of God.

"Seek the LORD while he may be found; call upon him while he is near; let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the LORD, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.
(Isa 55:6-8)

The Lord is longing to have compassion on the wicked and unrighteous. God will abundantly pardon those who return to him. He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in loving kindness! I don't understand it one bit, but I am entirely thankful for it.

In refereance to the 'resisters', I had to get Danny Hibberd to help me out of my conundrum. He reminded me that before I was redeemed, I was essentially a 'resister.' I was under wrath, although I was not experiencing the full weight of it, and yet, the Lord was providing me the grace to turn to him. It is certainly a mystery! It tweaks my soteriology, but what can I do? His thoughts are certainly not my thoughts and His ways are so confusing it makes my head spin, but I am so glad for it.

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!
(Rom 11:33)

I am sick

I am sick. I have been sick for days. I have this sinus-pain-and-pressure-why-does my-face-hurt-so-much-sore-throat-death-cough-maybe-it's-the-black-lung? thing going on for a while now. I have been spending day after day in bed, hours and hours with nothing to do but read people's blogs and post on the Book of Revelation forum, which just shows how nerd-core I am.

Tonight I had some friends visit me and they brought me a cheesy-sappy-romantic comedy to watch. It amazed me to realize that I have not watched a movie that was made before 1960 in the last two months. (Kevin and Kathrine took me to see "A Night at the Museum" for my birthday.) As I was watching this movie, I realized two very important things:

1) I am not missing much by not watching movies. Not to say that I didn't like the film, but I wish that I could have had two hours worth of real life experiences with real people than watch other people live life for me. Come on, that's just lame.

2) I really want to be in love. Now, it might be a combination of the sinus-death-flu, the night-time medication and the movie, but I realized that I have had a broken heart for too long now. I am tired of it and I want to really walk out in love. Now, I don't think that I am quite ready to jump on the relationship boat, but I at least think that it is time to start feeling again. So, that might be way too personal for the blog world. If so, I blame the medication...

Pray that I get better so that I can go back to the HOP. I had so many people tell me not to come back until I am better. (Either that or cover my mouth when I walk in the room and cry out, "Unclean! Unclean!") But really, when I am sick, there is no place that I would rather be. So, hopefully, I will be back in the swing of things tomorrow.

Adventures in Apostolic Prayers

Sometimes when you pray the apostolic prayers, you are just asking for it. Let me explain.

For the past month and a half, I have felt like every friendship I have has just been falling apart. Weird stuff, serious stuff, deep wounds, and sudden offenses have just been the norm across the board. Truthfully, I have contemplated becoming a hermit more than one in the past month. I got to the point where even the though of trying to love someone would cause me to flinch. I just couldn’t understand what was going on. It is what we call ‘the whomp’ in my family. “Take two, take two, take two, take two, joker, joker, joker, whomp; thrust into the upper stratosphere." (Yeah, as I am looking at that last sentence, I realize that my last sentence doesn’t make any sense to someone who hasn’t ever played my family’s original card came, but you get the gist.) Suddenly and without warning the cards are against you and all you can do is wonder, “Why is this happening to me?”

So yesterday, I was asking the Lord that exact question. The answer that I received was unexpected. I was reminded of a prayer that I consistently prayed last November when I got stuck for a while on Philippians 1:9-11.

“And this is pray, that your love may abound still more and more, in knowledge
and depth of insight. That you may approve the things that are excellent and be
sincere and without offense until the day of Christ Jesus, being filled with the
fruits of righteousness.”

I was asking the Lord to make me a person who loves well; a person who can love people the way that they need to be loved. Last November, I felt like the Lord wanted to teach me to love by starting with my family first and then moving on to my friends. The Lord, tenderly and gently brought me through the fire of Thanksgiving and Christmas and I emerged from the holiday season with slight bruises and a renewed love for my family.

I have to admit, in the month of January, I completely forgot about the other half of my prayer. Then the first weekend of February hit. Whomp. Betrayal. Whomp. Offense. Whomp. Lashing out in anger. Whomp. Taking sides. Whomp. The silent treatment. And then yesterday, the light bulb pops on. In the midst of all this drama, I am supposed to be loving my friends; especially when they are being particularly unlovable (to be fair, I have been particularily unlovable in the last month too.) I am seeing that it is easy to love your friends when your circumstances are going great, but it is the hardest thing in the world to love unconditionally. It is so hard to love people well, and so easy to slip in to selfishness and offense. I had no idea it was going to be this tough.

So, the final summation is this: when I started praying, I was asking for it, and the Lord is going to be faithful to answer. Soon enough I am going to be a great friend. I am going to be someone who loves well with knowledge and discernment. I am going to be a friend who can love unconditionally and walk through the fire of circumstances with you with an un-offended and un-selfish heart. Hopefully, it will be very, very, very soon. But right now, if you see me think, Phil 1:9, and shoot up a prayer for me.

Sorry this was so long.

Random facts about Charity Bates

I was thinking about this yesterday, and I realized that most of the people who read this blog don’t really know me that well. There is actually someone who has me on their blog roll and has misspelled my name. Charity Bates. Yeah, I'm not naming names, but maybe, you should fix that. So that thought concerned me, and therefore, I decided to compile a top-ten list of mostly random, totally true facts about myself. Kristine can attest to all of them, they are all true. So, I hope you enjoy it, and if you think that I am a pretty great person, then maybe we could actually get to know each other outside of the ‘blog world.’

1) I love old books. I went to the library yesterday and got the most amazing books, old classics for $0.25 a piece. I was so stoked. I bought 13 of them! But hands down the best one was ‘Modern’ English drama. (In quotes because all of the plays were pre-1800’s). Including: Dryden’s ‘All for Love,” Sheridan’s ‘School for Scandal,’ and Goldsmith’s ‘She Stoops to Conquer.” Words cannot describe how happy these books make me. This leads me to my next point.

2) I am a total Theatre Nerd. I say this unashamedly. I love theatre. I love theatre history and dramaturgy. I am just a sucker for a good play. In fact, I have over 200 plays at my house right now!

3) One more point about theatre is that I love musicals. My favorite musical is Urinetown: the Musical. This is not a joke. It is HYSTERICAL! It is a self-referential play, brechtian in style, a satire on the adverse effects of monopolizing corporations on society as well as a shameless a parody of Les Mis. Come on, it’s just wonderful. My favorite quote goes like this: Officer Lockstock – “People hear lots of things about Urinetown of course, and that’s just the way we like it. For example, a little boy once asked me, ‘Is Urinetown actually a nice place to live? Gingerbread houses along golden frothy canals, like Venice? Only different?’ I didn’t say yes, but I didn’t say no either.”

4) During my senior year of college, I go so burnt by my church that I switched churches and started going to a church that meets under the overpass of I-35. The congregation was mostly made up of homeless guys, hippies and bikers. It was awesome.

5) I am 25 years old and I still sleep with a stuffed animal. His name is Holzwarth and he is a 1 ½ foot tall penguin.

6) When I was growing up, I went to a French Immersion School. What does that mean? It means that when you get to school on the first day of Kindergarten, the teacher only speaks to you in French. I took all of my classes in French: math, science, social studies etc. We only took ½ an hour of English a day to study reading, writing and spelling. I did that for 8 years and then I moved to Texas where everyone speaks Spanish.

7) I have this one prayer that I found in a book and loved and so I pray it everyday.
Father, grant me the grace to never loose sight of:
the exceeding sinfulness of sin,
the exceeding righteousness of salvation,
the exceeding glory of Messiah,
the exceeding beauty of holiness,
and the exceeding wonder of grace.

8) My car’s nickname is “The Chariot.”

9) I absolutely love food. Lots of food. All types of food. I know that this flies in the face of all that the ‘fasted lifestyle’ stands for, but there is nothing I can do about it. However, there are two things that I cannot tolerate, coconuts and popcorn.

10) I am the oldest of 5 kids. I really love my family even though I haven’t lived at home for the past 7 years. Here is a picture…an old-y but a good-y.



That's it. I hope you enjoyed your 'random Charity facts day'!

Day 65

Today we started our third module - The Book of Revelation - with Dave Sliker. It should prove to be an informative and entertaining venture. So, for the next three weeks, most of my 'beholding' verses are probably going to come from Revelation. Actually, Sliker made and interesting comment today in class. He said that the book of Revelation is actually the main way that Jesus wanted to be revealed to His people, not the gospels. I don't know if I buy that completely, (actually, I would like to see Sliker vs. Venable on this subject...) but I know that there are descriptions of Jesus in the book of Revelation that I could stare at for days. So I am just going to start at the beginning, it's a very good place to start. Rev 1:7,

Behold, he is coming with the clouds, and every eye will see him, even those who pierced him, and all tribes of the earth will mourn on account of him. Even so. Amen.

I know that as I begin to gaze at the person of Jesus and the events surrounding His second coming that two main things are going to happen in my heart. Or at least this is what I am praying for. I am praying that as I gaze at the leadership of Jesus, that I will fall even more in love with Him and truly begin to long for the day when He splits the sky. The second is that my love for Him and the 'urgency of the hour' will drive me to the place of prayer to cry out for people to know this man. Seriously. the day is coming when every eye will see Him, whether they want to or not and I want as many people standing with Him on that day as humanly possible. Yep. Jesus is coming back and millions of people don't know it yet. Pray for salvation. Pray for a unified Bride. Pray for messengers to be sent to the entertainment industry. The message has got to get out.

Day 63

Tonight at the Night watch meeting, Clay encouraged us to remember that we are still in a time of consecration and to remember why we are doing what we are doing. Ouch. I have certainly let the solemnity of the Solemn Assembly slip from my consciousness. One of the things that I set out to do for these 90 days was to make it a habit to daily behold and bless the Lord. However, in the last month, I have certainly become slack in my endeavors. But one great things about the HOP is that we are constantly given chances to 're-sign-up-again.' So, I will try my hardest to daily 'behold the man, the lamb and the branch.' He is so beautiful. It is amazing how quickly we can become distracted from the only thing that really matters. The necessity of 'setting my mind on things above' cannot be overstated. I need to keep my eyes glued to His face no matter what other good things demand my attention.

So keep me accountable. If you don't see me consistently writing, then I expect a barrage of emails reminding me of my commitments!

Day 59

Here are some updates of life in KC:

1) Last week we had a mini-revival break out in our Introduction to Revival and it's leaders class. Since then we have been having Solemn Assemblies every night in the Prayer Room to fast and pray and seek the Lord's face. Hosea 10:12, "Break up your fallow ground until the Lord comes and showers righteousness upon you."

2) This weekend we have the Passion for Jesus conference. This means that I have been spending every available moment hanging and re-focusing the lights in FSM. I have to say though, I absolutely love my new job and I wouldn't trade it for anything! If you are coming to the conference, watch out for the new spin-ny lights!

3) On a personal note, I have been going through a hard time lately. The Lord has been bringing up some deep issues and old wounds that need to get dealt with. The interesting thing is that I think that the Lord is going to use two of my friendships to bring forth this healing. This means that the three of us need to get together and seek the Lord, because I have this funny feeling that unless we do it together, it won't get done. So pray for me and my two friends. We need the Lord to break in for us.

4) Finally, one of my favorite people in all the world is now blogging. She is an ex-ihopper and is the person who convinced me to come to KC in the first place. KRISTINE DAVIS! I love her, I love her, I love her. She is wonderful and verbose and I can't wait to read what she has to say.

So that's it. Consider yourself updated.

Day 54

Then I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse! The one sitting on it is called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he judges and makes war. His eyes are like a flame of fire, and on his head are many diadems, and he has a name written that no one knows but himself. He is clothed in a robe dipped in blood, and the name by which he is called is The Word of God. And the armies of heaven, arrayed in fine linen, white and pure, were following him on white horses. From his mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations, and he will rule them with a rod of iron. He will tread the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God the Almighty. On his robe and on his thigh he has a name written, KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS. (Rev 19:11-16)

Jesus you are the only one who has been faithful to my heart. All of your ways are just and true. I ask that in the midst of accusation, pain and fear that you would defend my heart. Oh, Judge of the earth, would you judge the enemies who make war against me. I need you to fight for me. I need you to protect me and to bring restoration to my soul. I thank you that you have decreed to make all things new and I know that you will be faithful to complete the work that you have begun in me.

Day 53

It has been an interesting day. If I were one who gives themselves to the ‘IHOP’ vernacular, the most accurate description of my present state would be to say that I am “messed up.” So pardon me, I am having difficulty forming complete, deeply theological sentances. However, today, I have had one epithet of God rolling through my head. It is actually one of the few times in scripture that God gives a direct revelation about His nature and character. I will submit it to you with no thoughts of my own and allow you to meditate on it if you so choose. If you get any fantastic revelation, please let me know...I need all the help I can get...

The LORD passed before him and proclaimed, "The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children's children, to the third and the fourth generation." (Exodus 34:6-7)

A shout out to the Night Watch kids...

Here is a short thought, completely off subject. Umm.. I love the people on the night watch. I love them I love them I love them! I love the fact that there has been an exponential increase of bloggers in the night. In examining this phenomena, I have found three reasons why I think this increase has occured.

1) People on the night watch are ridiculous, interesting and fun. No I am being totally serious. these are some of the most wonderful people that I have ever met in my life. Check out Jared Diehl for randomness and hilarity, oh yeah, the booorgeeous pig is quickly becoming a classic. (And if you ask, I'll tell you the real story of what really happened in Prague...)

2) People on the night watch love jesus a lot. They sit for hours every night thinking about him, meditating, studying and worshiping him. Any one who does that for any extended period of time must be brimming with revelation. For the great theological revelation check out Amanda Beattie, and if you want to read some fantastic poetry and prose, check out Jonathan Barclay.

3) Because of the 90 days of concercration, and the 'no talking in the PR' rule, we are craving interaction, story telling and sharing our lives with other people. If I had to pick an explanation, this would be it. If I can't talk to Victoria, Kyle, Kacie or Zach to find out what has been going on in their lives, all I have to do is check out their blog. And there it is online for all to see.

Now, of course I have day watch friends. And there is a whole daytime blog community with Sliker and Steeno and Shawn and Randy et. al. But let's face it, who reads that stuff anyway?

All that to say, I love the night watch kids.

Day 47

Tonight, the Lord has been kind in the way that He’s been dealing with me. I am certainly getting those tender words in the wilderness that I asked for last night. Tonight He brought me to my life verse and just kept reminding me of what He has done for me and who I am called to be. It is amazing that one tiny verse in the bible could contain both my past and my future, my testimony as well as my calling. I hope it is not too forward, but I will share it with the five or six people who read this blog. Psalm 118:17,

“I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord.”

That’s’ it. My entire life can be summed up in one sentence. It’s the beauty of simplicity.


For anyone who knows a little of my story, you can understand the weight of this verse. But the long and short of it is this, when I came to IHOP two years ago, I had a severe bi-polar disorder. A disorder like this is incurable and my best hope was to be medicated for the rest of my life. From the time I was ten years old, I was severely depressed and suicidal, but two years ago I was supernaturally healed of this incurable disorder. One day I was in the prayer room crying out to the Lord for healing and I felt like the Lord said that He wanted me to break the curse that I had spoken over myself. He wanted me to say, “I don’t want to die, I want to live,” the number of times that I had said, “I want to die,” over the course of my life. I estimated that I had probably said “I want to die” 10 times a day from the time I was ten years old. When I calculated it out, it came to 46,450 times! I thought to myself, “what have I go to loose” and gave it a try. So I sat in the back of the PR with a calculator and said “I don’t want to die, I want to live” 2,000 times a day for three weeks. I don’t know how or when the change happened, but I know that I had my last episode on February 17th 2005. People who know me today would have no idea that I was ever sick.

And the second part of the verse? The rest of my life is devoted to declaring the works of the Lord. You can call me a messenger, a forerunner, or a voice; it doesn’t matter. My life is about calling people to behold and bless the Lord; calling people to be fascinated by the only person that really matters. And that’s it. Everything else is secondary.

Day 46

Pardon me while I blow the dust off of this blog. Yeah, it’s been about a week, and really, if anything, I am more disappointed in myself than anything. I started this blog to hold myself accountable to meditating and beholding and blessing the Lord. Well, I could make the excuse that it has been a very tough week with a lot of relational/emotional dynamics, but really, that should have drawn me into meditating more. So, I have no excuse. But I will share a beholding verse that I am hoping will be very accurate in the next few days Hosea 2:14,

“Therefore, behold, I will allure her, I will bring her into the wilderness and speak comfort to her.”

In the last week I have been suddenly transported to the wilderness. I should have known. I have had some things come together in a serious way i.e opportunity to walk out in my calling etc. Two weeks ago, I was talking to Esther Myung (a wonderful woman, devoted intercessor and really prophetic) and telling her about what the Lord was doing and she said, “Oh, the Lord is going to take you to the wilderness because He always wants you to come to a new level leaning and limping.” Great. Not what I wanted to hear. The leaning and limping is taken from the Song of Solomon, “who is this coming up from the wilderness, leaning on her Beloved?” Yeah, I kinda hoped that she would be wrong, but this week has proved more barren in prayer and frustrating in my job than anything I have gone through this year. I’ll throw this out for the nerd-core kids; the best description of my week is the story of Sisyphus. You know the guy who is doomed to push a rock up a hill over and over again for all eternity?

Anyway, there is good news. It is in the wilderness that God promises to speak comfort to His people. One translation says that He will speak kindly to her there. I certainly need some words of kindness and comfort. He has allured me to this place, I trust His leadership and I know that He will be faithful to speak words that will comfort my soul. He knows just how to lead me and I trust that I will come up from the wilderness leaning on my Beloved and fully in love.

Day 38

I just had an amazing conversation with Kevin Samuel. Kevin is a great friend of mine who has a heart for the entertainment industry. He was going to go to film school, but, like so many of us, was re-directed to IHOP first. So tonight he tells me that the Lord is downloading ideas to him about a screen play. At this, I start freaking out. While Dave Sliker is calling forth the 'wordcasters' send forth the word of the Lord on the Web, I have been praying that the Lord will raise up playwrights and screen writers with the word of the Lord. Forerunners and messengers to the entertainment industry who can stand on the platform of the media and declare the knowledge of God to billions of people across the world. This is something that the Lord has had me praying for months, and so I am so excited to see it starting to happen here in KC.

So I am offering a challenge to any of my aspiring writer-type friends. Put down the short story and try writing a play. Try your hand at dialogue. Try a film script complete with camera shots. No seriously. Jared Diehl. I am calling you out, instead of improv-ing your next film, write a full script, I think it will be a rewarding challenge.

And who knows, maybe in the future, I might have a 10-min play contest?
Any takers?

Day 37

While I might have been silly on Friday, that mood was quickly put to a stop. Starting on Saturday night I have been under a major attack, specifically dealing with my identity. The only reason why I am sharing this is because I think that the only people who read this are friends and/or intercessors. I need prayer! I am being beset with lies and falsehoods on every side, but I know that the Lord wants to give me the spirit of truth. Ps 51:6,

“Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts, and in the hidden parts you will make known wisdom.”

This verse gives me confidence that the Lord desires that I have truth just as much as I do! That is an incredibly comforting thought. So, seriously, if you think about it, pray for me. Eph 1:3-6: This is my identity. This is what I need to remember. I am blessed, chosen, holy and without blame before Him in love, adopted into His family, a recipient of His grace, and accepted in the Beloved. Yep. That pretty much covers it.

I hope that your evening/morning is blessed. Remember that you too are accepted in the Beloved!

A random thought for a random week...

Yes, I know. I haven't blogged in a while. trust me it has been a crazy week. Last week, I am just a mild-mannered intercessory missionary/FSM student and this week I am a mild-mannered intercessory missionary/FSM student/Lighting Director of IHOP and oh, by the way, did I mention that we are doing this on LIVE TV? Yeah, it's been an interesting week.

But by far, the most interesting thing that happened to me, happened yesterday. Around 4 pm I get a call from my friend JD. He has something to bring me and wants to know if I am home. I say, yes and he comes over with 8 pounds of mild Cheddar cheese. You might be saying to yourself, "Wow, that's random." It's amazing, I was saying the same thing. Well, here's the story. JD works part-time at a dairy farm and the sweet old lady that he works for decided to give him 50 pounds of cheese as a thank you. 50 lbs. is a lot of cheese. What can you do with 50 lbs. of cheese? Give it to your friends, I guess.

So JD leaves and I return to the 8 lbs. of cheese now sitting on my counter. And I begin to think, "What can I possible do with all this cheese?" Now here is the interesting/disturbing thought. Honestly, as I looked at this towering pile of dairy on my counter, my first thought was, "If I were Jared Diehl, I would make a movie about all the things I could do with this cheese." I caught myself and laughed out loud. It is amazing how pervasive the night watch culture is.

I would call Jared and share this veritable cornacopia of hilarity with him, but he is out of town, so the movie idea is out. Does anyone else have any ideas of what I can do with all this cheese?

I promise, next week, I will return to my normal devotional self.

Day 32

Tonight, I am having trouble focusing and, while it could be for any reason, I am going to blame it on fasting brain. That’s right, it’s the first Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of the month a.k.a the Global Bridegroom Fast or the acronym-friendly GBF. So, right now I am at the end of day two, having trouble focusing and just kind of silly. I am reminded of the GBF’s of old, Onething internship circa January of ’05. I remember this one time when we had a group of people in my car, one person was playing the guitar while the rest of us were writing ‘spontaneous songs.’ Notice the ‘’ around ‘spontaneous songs.’ I will now share the one chorus that has been stuck in my head all night.

“It's the Bridegroom Fast! Behold, the Bridegroom is coming! Jesus when you come, bring a cheeseburger! Because we’re hungry for you, and we’re hungry for cheeseburgers!”

O.k not exactly the level of maturity and spirituality that you might have come to expect from this ‘wordcast’, but seriously, I know that anyone who has ever embraced the GBF has had their minds wander to the various types of consumable goods. And now, once again, we see the wisdom of the night watch, because, “where can you get a good burger in KC at 5:30 in the morning?” Seriously.

No seriously, if you know, tell me.

Day 31

Now once again, I am going to post a verse that does not contain the word behold. However, this is a scene that I have been beholding all week-end; the salvation of the thief on the cross. Over the past few days, this scene has been moving my heart more and more each day. It is a well known scene, but for everyone’s sake, I will retype it here. Luke 23:40-43,

“But the other [criminal], rebuked him [the first criminal] saying, “Do you not even fear God, seeing you are under the same condemnation? And we indeed justly, for we receive the due reward of our deeds, but this Man has done nothing wrong.” Then he said to Jesus, “Lord, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” And Jesus said to him, “Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with me in paradise.”

Why is the scene striking me so much? It is because right now, this is the clearest picture I know of the kindness of the Father towards the Son. To explain: Jesus has just been whipped and scorned and beaten. Indeed, Jerusalem rejected Him and sent Him to the cross. It seemed that His life came to nothing; the ultimate anti-climax. Here He is, hanging between heaven and earth, bearing the full wrath of the Father, and yet, even as the Father is turning His face away from the Son, the Father puts enough grace on the heart of a hardened criminal to enable him to cry out for salvation. This is quite possibly the kindest thing imaginable. As the Son was bearing the iniquity of many, the Father allowed Him to see the labor of His soul and be satisfied (Is 53:11). I can just see the look on Jesus’ face, stunned that in the midst of such intense rejection, that one would accept Him. What a kiss from the Father. In a moment when His heart would have been so faint, that Father showed Him that it was not all for naught. What unspeakable kindness!

Day 28

Today was our last day of Synoptic Gospels and after 3 weeks of studying the life of Christ Stephen decided the best thing to do would be to watch the Passion of Christ. I cried for two hours. Then tonight (being Thursday) I led our prayer room team in communion. Knowing that I wouldn't get very far without weeping like a baby, I decided that we were going to do the Finland five. The Finland five is quite simple, although it has a long and illustrious history. Basically what you do it give the group a verse or a phrase and just wait in silence for five minutes. Tonight, I used a phrase that Stephen said in class yesterday,

"When you think about the cross, if the first thing you think about is doctrine (i.e. atonement, propitiation, justification etc), then you have missed the point. When you look at the cross you must think, 'that is my best friend up there.'"

And after that, we waited and minutes ticked by. Silently tears streaked down my face. It is amazing how long five minutes can be especially when you picture yourself standing at the foot of the cross watching the only man who ever truly loved you die. It sounds intense and truly, it is. It is amazing how far He was willing to go to win my heart. I love Him more today than I ever have before. But don't just take my word for it, check out Barclay's Blog, I would like to think that His whole meditation was sparked by the Finland five...

Day 27

Last night in our briefing, we started talking about signs of the times. We were talking about all the things that are going on in Israel, Iraq and Iran et al. looking at how quickly we could see another world war. We were all feeling a soberness on the room. And then one of the guys in the group asked, ‘if we know that all of these things have to happen, wars and rumors of wars and ¼ of the earth dying, then how do we pray?” It was one of those times when you know that you have to pray right now, but when these events start breaking out, what could you possibly pray? Instantly, I felt the answer hit my heart. Salvation. If ¼ of the earth or more will die then we need as many of those people to be saved as possible. Not so that we could have cool meetings and big churches, but so millions and millions of people don’t spend eternity in the lake of fire. For the past two days, I have been gripped to pray for salvation. The Lord does not desire that any should perish, but that all should come to eternal life. That includes both Jews and Muslims, Americans and Asians, everyone. So, the beholding verse of the day comes from this line of thought. It is short and simple. I am making it a declaration on the Web for all to see. 2 Corinthians 6:2,

“Behold, now is the acceptable time. Behold, now is the day of salvation.”

I declare it to a hurting world that is about to tear itself apart. Today is the day of salvation. Today if you hear His voice, do not harden your heart.

Day 26

Hmm…tonight was a good night. Today was just one of those days when you just go from meeting to meeting to meeting to meeting and then after your mind is numb, stumble into the prayer room and just soak. It is amazing how much of the Lord’s heart he will download when you just sit still and wait in silence.
Tonight, I was studying Jesus’ last week before the cross. After Jesus has been anointed by Mary in Bethany, the next day Jesus begins the last leg of His journey into Jerusalem. He sends two of His disciples ahead of Him to find a donkey for Him to ride in to the city on. It might seem random, but this is to fulfill a prophecy that was spoken about the Messiah about 450 years before,

“Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion! Shout, O daughter of Jerusalem! Behold your King is coming to you; He is just and having salvation, lowly and riding on a donkey, a colt the foal of a donkey.” (Zechariah 9:9)

This is an amazing verse to meditate on! In the midst of her oppression and her face that is downcast, the cry goes forth, “Rejoice! Sing! Shout!” What could lift the face of Israel? It is the promised hope of the coming Messiah. It is no wonder that the people reacted the way that they did. The people were rejoicing because the time of their oppression is over. The people were seeing Zechariah 9:9 played out right before their eyes; they were living in the days of prophecy fulfilled. Now all they were waiting for was for Jesus to fulfill the next verse,

“I will cut off the chariot from Ephraim and the horse from Jerusalem; the battle bow and the spear shall be cut off. He shall speak peace to the nations; His dominion shall be ‘from sea to sea and from the River to the ends of the earth.’”

In their minds the Romans will be overthrown within the week. But little do the people know that between verse 9 and 10 there is a 2000 year delay. And here we stand, looking back on the day when He came lowly on a donkey and looking forward when He will return and in righteousness and justice He will make war. And yet His heart remains the same. Oh, the beauty of this man! Just and true are all your ways! I long for the day when I will look up and see my redemption drawing near! Come Lord, Jesus. We long for you.

Day 25

Due to an interesting turn of events, I seem to have gotten a new part time job for the weekends. So, that is my reason for not blogging for the past few days, please accept my sincerest apologies, Jerry, you can take the bag off your head now...
Tonight I was meditating on a verse that does not contain the word behold, but it is my opinion that it should and so I am including it here. John 6:16-20,

"Now when evening came, His disciples went down to the sea, got in the boat, and went over the sea toward Capernaum. And it was already dark and Jesus had not
come to them. Then the sea arose because a great wind was blowing. So when they
had rowed out about three or four miles [BEHOLD] they saw Jesus walking on the
sea and drawing near the boat; and they were afraid. But He said to them, "It
is I, do not be afraid."

Jesus, the God-man walked on water! But the question for me tonight was why? What was Jesus thinking and feeling as He was walking out to meet His disciples in the middle of a storm? Here is just one possible thought based on tonight's meditation. I was looking at the feeding of the five thousand that happened right before this event. Jesus multiplied bread and astounded the multitudes. They were so astounded that they wanted to make Him king by force. The people were ready to start a revolution! So Jesus withdrew to pray and sent His disciples ahead of Him. I can only imagine what the disciples were thinking about Jesus. Were they thinking about who would be the greatest in His kingdom? Were they thinking about how powerful and rich they would be? I can imagine their pride swelling, but that pride could lead to false ideas about who this man is. But as Jesus aproached them on the water, all of those false ideas came crashing down. He isn't just some guy who could multiply bread, this is the very son of God. This is more than a cool story, it is the fear of the Lord. He is that awesome thing. He can't be controlled, marketed or publicized. The only response to this sight is on of worship and wonder. "Truly, you are the Son of God."

Day 21

While Zack might be asking the question of whether of not we should 'behold' movies and T.V, I am going to try to avoid controversy (for now) and continue to 'behold and bless the Lord' instead. I don't have a specific verse for the night, just a series of thoughts. On Thursday nights our prayer room team takes communion together. It is amazing how much more impact the cross will have when you have been meditating on the incarnation. Suddenly the phrase, "This is my body broken for you," means a whole lot more when you realize that it is GOD who is speaking. Not only did the eternal second person of the trinity take on the likeness of sinful flesh and dwell among sinful humanity, but He laid down His life to redeem us to Himself. He allowed His flesh to be torn, He allowed His blood to be poured out.

It is stunning and offensive and when it really impacts your heart, it is much more fascinating than any T.V show could ever be.

Day 20

For anyone who was not at the 4am intercession set tonight, man... you missed out. I don't know if they planned it or not, but the whole theme of the set was to behold and bless the Lord. Choruses included:

Fill me with the knowledge of God,
with the knowledge of you,
with the knowledge of the Holy Holy

I want to burn like the cherubim burn,
I want to see what the seraphim see,
I want to burn like the cherubim burn
Holy Holy

You who stand by night in the house of the Lord,
Will you behold? Will you behold?

Basically, my whole night was hijacked. Every time I started to review my notes from class today, I would start crying or singing or praying or clapping or something. It was absolutely wonderful.

It's amazing! We are the generation that will actually get to see His face! We will join with the heavenly chorus and cry Holy, for when we are presented with such transcendent beauty, all other words will fail!

Day 19

Today in class, Stephen Venable was teaching on John the Baptist and the Forerunner Ministry. We were looking at a passage in Isaiah 40:9, “

O Zion, you who bring good tidings, get up into the high mountain; O Jerusalem, you who bring good tidings, lift up your voice with strength, lift it up, be not afraid; say to the cities of Judah, “Behold your God!”

However, today Stephen said that it isn't Zion who is calling the people to behold their God but a better translation of this passage sees these verses as still referring to the ‘voice’ of vs. 3-5, the ASV says,

“O thou that tellest good tidings to Zion, get thee up to a high mountain; O thou that tellest good tidings to Jerusalem, lift up thy voice with strength; lift it up, be not afraid; say unto the cities of Judah, “Behold your God!”

So this is a charge to the forerunner to call the people of Israel to behold their God; to see Him as He truly is, to gaze upon His beauty. The forerunner is exalting Jesus so that “all mankind together will see it.” However, it is impossible to call someone else to behold that which you have not gazed upon yourself. Before anyone can bear witness to the light of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ, they must gaze upon that light themselves. Otherwise, what will you say? How would you tell others that He is good unless you have experienced it yourself? I was really encouraged today just because I know that the last two years that I have been in Kansas City might seem like a waste to some, but all those hours of beholding the Lord are writing a message on my heart. I will be able to tell others, not about doctrines, but about a man. “Yes, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved; this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem!” (Sos 5:16).

Day 17

So I am still looking at the incarnation, and as I was re-reading Luke 1 I stumbled across verse 38,

"Then Mary said, 'Behold, the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word.' And the angel departed from her."

I am sure many people over the centuries have tried to figure out just how much Mary understood about what the angel was telling her. If she truly understood all of the ramifications, all of the suffering and rejection that she would have to endure in addition to watching her eldest Son be tortured and crucified on a Roman cross, would she still have said yes? Behold the maidservant of the Lord! This is such a striking sentence. Maidservant, one who will completely obey the will of her Lord regardless of the risk on her part. I know that God chose her because He saw that this response was firmly in place in her heart. She may not have known exactly what was happening in that instant and even less of an idea what the future would hold, but she knew that God was faithful and so she knew that she could say yes to Him. Because, if you can't trust God, then who can you trust?

Day 16

I promised on Day 13 that I would come back to Isaiah 7:14,

"Therefore the Lord Himself will give you a sign: Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel." (God with us).

Since Wednesday I have not been able to pull my mind away from the Incarnation. Now, while that sounds romantic and mystical, for me, it is frustrating. No matter how many times my mind returns to the mystery of God becoming flesh, I just can't comprehend it. But this is such a crucial part of the 'God Story.' From the time of the fall God has been longing to dwell with us. This first seen in the Tabernacle of Moses when God commands Moses to make a tent of skin for Him to dwell in (Ex 26:14). This was the manifest power of God in the form of a pillar of fire making a way to dwell in the midst of the children of Israel; to be their God and for them to be His people. And after the pillar of fire lifted and the glory departed from the temple, the Lord had more permanent plans to dwell with us. This is the foundation of the Incarnation, the desire in the heart of God for Him to be 'with us'. Not just to rule us or to have made us, but He actually joined Himself to humanity forever by taking on our dust and laughing, weeping and bleeding with the rest of human kind. What kind of God is this who would even have this thought in His head? Many people have an idea of God as a stoic god who is unconcerned with human affairs. But this is the farthest thing from the truth, Jesus Christ cannot be unconcerned with the affairs of men because He is now and will be forevermore, a man. He is a Bridegroom, a King, a Judge and a sympathetic High Priest who has run the gambit of human experience while remaining without sin and now all authority in heaven and on earth has been given to Him; and even while I am writing this it is amazing who little of this I fully understand. It is simply amazing that the God who created the heavens and the earth desires for me to be with Him where He is (Jn. 17:24) and that He manifested that desire by taking on my frame and entering the world as a helpless baby.

Truly this is a truth worth beholding for eternity.

Day 14

Tonight was just one of those nights when I leave the prayer room feeling like a Martha. This is what I mean.
I left the Ferguson's house at about 11:30 pm, which gave me just enough time to make the trek from Raymore to the house of prayer, find a good seat and then get to a prayer room team meeting at midnight. The meeting lasted until 1:30am, but then we had a prayer room team leaders meeting that went until 2 am. I finally settle into my seat as Emily Russell begins to sing. I open my bible and then remember that I have about 25 emails waiting for me that have to be answered by morning. So I open up my laptop, typing furiously because I know that I have an e-12 that meets at 3am. I finish my last email at 2:55, sigh deeply, say a quick, "I love you Lord," and head to the briefing room. E-12 tonight was probably the best part of my night. We just went through our bible and picked out descriptions of the New Jerusalem for an hour. (Abraham was looking for a city whose builder and maker was God!) It was really good. Then on to the 4-6am intercession set where I was running sound. Finish that up with a de-brief til 6:15am and that was my night. Unfortunately, it was one of those nights where you can be 'on base' all night, but just feel like your heart didn't have a chance to connect. Just like Martha, distracted, and concerned with much serving and missing the chance to commune with the God-Man in her living room. Jesus tells her that only 'one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken from her.' Now what is that good part? Luke 10:39,

"And she also had a sister named Mary, who sat at Jesus' feet and heard His word."

Now you might be saying to yourself, 'That passage does not have the word behold in it, I want my money back!" Well, before you get too irate, I will share something from class this week. We were told that in the Gospels there are two significant ways that Jesus is described, Word/Wisdom and Light/Image. Contained in these two descriptions of Jesus are the two responses that are needed to the revelation of God. In the same way that we behold the image of God, we sit and hear the words of Jesus. This is the same heart posture of sitting before the Lord and letting our senses engage with the beautiful God.

So I will let my life be an object lesson for all: Don't let yourself be distracted by 'important things', but make every effort (even if it means turning off your computer) to gaze upon the Lord and hear the words of the Living God.

Day13

A few wekes ago I was amassing a huge document of every time the word 'behold' was used in the Bible. One specific day, I was working my way up through 1&2 Chronicles up through Isaiah. It was quite the task, especially when so many of the passages were long and had to do with some sort of judgment. Then I stumbled upon this passage and my heart just came alive, Isaiah 7:14,

"Therefore the Lord Himself will give you a sign: Behold, the virgin will conceive and bear a Son and shall call His name Immanuel."

This passage is stunning in its simplicity, and yet, people have been staring at the mystery of the incarnation for centuries and still no one can fathom the depths of this act. How is it that the creator can step down and join in the same substance as His creation? How could the fullness of divinity rest in that tiny body? Certainly this is a sign and a wonder. A virgin will have a child and suddenly, for the first time in ages, God will be dwelling with man. I wish that you guys could appreciate how long it is taking me to write this post. Honestly, I just keep staring at my bible, wondering: what more can I say? I'll say this. I certainly don't have all of these mysteries figured out, but I will join with Mary and 'ponder these things in my heart,' until I receive more revelation. I just might stick to this one verse all week. It has so much to it; I just can't do it justice in one entry!

Day 12

This is the glory of being on the nightwatch, it is 7am on Wednesday, and it is still my birthday. Due to the late hour and the significance of the day, I am resolved to take the night off from blogging! I hope that everyone else has a wonderful January 17th... I am going to bed!

Day 11

Ahhh...today was the first day of school for the new semester. This module I am taking Synoptic Gospels taught by Stephen Venable. Just after one day, I know that the class will be amazing. The one downside is that with three hours of homework every night, it seriously cuts into the time that I have to 'behold and bless the Lord.' Thankfully though, one of our assignments tonight was to meditate on John 1:14,

"And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth."

Now I have probably read this passage hundreds of times, however tonight I got incredibly frustrated with it. In class we discussed how we have to understand the identity of Jesus before we can comprehend the works of Jesus. This is very true. We have to understand that Jesus is the son of God who is healing the sick and casting out demons. Why is this important? Because, if we try to figure out the identity of Jesus by His works, then we just think that He was a great, sinless man with supernatural powers. While that language might seem harsh, that is what I discovered that I believed about Jesus tonight. I didn't know that I had a wrong perception until I tried to wrestle with the mystery of the incarnation. I thought that I had it all down, but it turns out that if you think that you have it all figured out, then you are probably going about it all wrong. So, that is why I am frustrated, tonight I went from having it all figured out, to resigning myself to a lifetime of gazing at a mystery that I might never comprehend. Ok, start interceding for me...Eph 1:17- wisdom and revelation...Oh, God.

P.S - It is January 16th... and my 25th birthday!

Day 9 and 10

Last night I was going to blog, but my dear friend Lizzy stopped me. Apparently she thinks I am getting 'addicted' to blogging or something like that. Ha...well....no really I could quit anytime...

Anyway, today in E-12 we were prophesying over each other and one person looked me square in the eyes and said, "You are a friend of the judge." It really impacted me because in the midst of all of the end time teaching we receive here at IHOP, it is very important to me to not despise the judgments of the Lord, but to actually learn to love 'the Jesus in red.' Actually, as I was amassing my list of beholding verses, it was stunning to see how many times the Lord called us to behold his judgments on the earth. From Gen 6:17,

“And behold, I Myself am bringing flood waters on the earth, to destroy from under heaven all flesh in which is the breath of life; everything that is on the earth shall die,”

to Revelation 17:1,

"Then one of the angels who had the seven bowls came and talked with me, saying to me, "Come, I will show you the judgment of the great harlot who sits on many waters,"

the Lord is calling us to gaze at His judgments. He wants to help us not to be offended at Him while He is revealing Himself to the nations of the world. This is so difficult! He is so holy and righteous and cannot abide sin, and yet so tender and merciful and never delights in the death of the wicked. The tensions could rip open the human heart were it not for the grace of the Lord to steady us. We can't shy away from the coming Judge. Behold, He is coming, with His garments stained red, and I have to be ready to receive Him as He is and not as I would like Him to be.

Day 8

Tonight I was able to spend some time talking with my good friend Alison Smith, who is simply amazing. We started talking about the promises that the Lord has spoken over our lives and His faithfulness to bring them about, even when our life seems to be taking us in a completely opposite direction. I mean, let's face it. When I was little I never said, "I want to be an intercessory missionary when I grow up." And when I went to college, I didn't get my degree in prayer and fasting. Before I came to IHOP, I thought I had a pretty good idea of what the Lord wanted me to do with my life and then when I came here, it seemed like all of those ideas were wrong. I had found something at IHOP that made me come alive, but I still had other things that I felt like the Lord had promised me that I would do. So what about those promises? Had I heard wrong, or would He remain faithful to bring them about? It turns out that the Lord is incredibly faithful and His leadership is PERFECT to bring us into the place where our hearts come the most alive. As we were having this conversation I was reminded of a beholding verse, Luke 24:49,

"Behold, I send the promise of My Father, but tarry in the city of Jerusalem until you are endued with power from on high."

Here is another common IHOP verse. I have used this verse many times to explain why I am still in Kansas City and still at FSM. "I am just waiting in the city until the Holy Spirit comes on me and I am sent out." But tonight, I feel like the Lord is simply asking me, 'Will you wait on the promises when it looks like I am taking you in the opposite direction? Will you remain steadfast in doing what I called you to do today, and not worrying about fulfilling the promises yourself? Will you trust my leadership and my timing? Will you wait for me?' I am glad to say that today I can smile to myself and say yes. And then sigh. And then smile again.

He really is faithful, and I am not crazy for waiting.

An Early Birthday Present?

Yes, I know. I am getting older. Yes, I am aware of how this next birthday marks an important transition in to adulthood (for real this time!) Yes. On Tuesday, January 16th, I will be turning 25! But today, I was contacted by the Kansas City Rep Theatre and offered two free tickets to see King Lear next Friday! It turns out that the God who fashioned my heart knew exactly what kind of little thing would move my heart. So now my only concern is: who am I going to take with me?

Any suggestions?

Day 7

All today I was thinking, I just want to meditate on Jesus; to behold the Man. In our briefing tonight, we went around the room and asked each person, 'What is one thing that you are thankful for?' Jordan's answer right off the bat was, 'I'm thankful that Jesus is a Man.' Me too. So today we will look to one of my favorite passages about the Messiah, Zechariah 6:12,

'Behold the Man, whose name is the BRANCH! From His place He shall branch out, and He shall build the temple of the Lord; yes He shall build the temple of the Lord. He shall bear the glory, and sit and rule upon His throne; So He shall be a priest on His throne, and the counsel of peace shall be between them both.'

I love this passage! There are so many days when I get distracted and weighed down with many things and this verse will bring me back. Behold the Man! Behold the Branch! As I was pacing and meditating on this verse, Cassie Campbell began singing one of my favorite songs at IHOP and it fit in so well, I have to include it some lyrics. It is called 'Oh, the beauty of this Man.'

My heart is stirred by a noble theme, bringing blessed words unto my king. Giving up my love as a sweet offering. Oh, the beauty of this Man!

For the sake of love, He left His Father's throne, searching for a bride bone of His bone, such a humble kiss to make our dust His own. Oh, the beauty of this man!

See His hands, His head, His feet and His side. They bear the marks of wrath, a pure sacrifice, to secure her love by giving up His life. Oh, the beauty of this Man!

She now faint with love, beacons Him to come establish righteousness as God's risen Son. And on that glorious day, she'll marry her fair one. Oh, the beauty of this Man!

I still remember exactly where I was sitting when I realized that Jesus was still a man. It was at an EGS back when they were in the prayer room. I had known that Jesus became a Man and lived and died and rose from the dead. But the earth shattering thought was that today Jesus is still a Man. He rose from the dead and took on a resurrected human body. He then ascended to heaven in that same body and is today sitting at the right hand of the Father, not as an ethereal spirit-like thing, but as a Man. For some reason, that completely changed the way that I think about Jesus. When I say that Jesus loves me, it isn't a concept that loves me, but a Man. When I pray to Jesus, I am not praying to air, but to a Man. It makes the whole concept of intercession so much more concrete. So tonight, I pray that you will behold the Man, Jesus Christ, the one who was, who is and who is to come!

Day 6

What does it look like when a Night Watcher has insomnia? It means that it is 7 am and I am wired! How am I ever going to get to sleep. Ahh... some nice blogging should to the trick, don't you think?

So tonight's verse is inspired by the teaching I attended at the Boiler Room today. At the Boiler Room we are doing something called The God Story. Essentially what that means is that each week they go through a different part of the story of God's dealings with His people Israel. Starting with creation, we are walking through a narrative account of God's story. So this week we were discussing the Northern Kingdom and the ministries of the prophets Amos and Hosea. These two prophets were preaching just decades before God used the Assyrian Empire to judge the Northern Kingdom. In the book of Amos we are given insight into the reasons for their judgment; social injustice. Amos 2:6,

"For three transgressions of Israel, and for four, I will not turn away its punishment because they sell their righteous for silver and the poor for a pair of sandals."

Apparently the Lord really cares about the oppression of the poor. But why? Doesn't it seem a little harsh to judge a nation because of some people have a little less money than others? Well, actually the Lord has already set a precedent for this action in Exodus 3:9,

"Now therefore, behold, the cry of the children of Israel has come to me, and I have also seen the oppression with which the Egyptians oppress them. "

The Lord heard the cry of the Israelites in their oppression and he delivered them from the hands of Egypt by bringing crippling judgments upon the oppressors. However, now the tables have turned and it is those who have been delivered, those who have known the salvation of the Lord, who have become the oppressors. This grieves the heart of God. Those who have received the mercy of the Lord should be the first ones to extend it to others. The whole 'freely you have received, freely give' comes into play again. This is really important to God! And if we then take that principle and apply it to our lives in America, it becomes a chilling reality. How many times have I contributed to the oppression of the poor? How many times have I ignored it or completely forgotten about it? As an intercessor, I should be on the front lines of this, crying out to God to help restore the poor of this nation. I should be crying out for the cycle of poverty to be broken in Kansas City and for the church to begin to rise up in compassion for those in distress. Tonight they were calling for people to 'get their hands dirty' and actively minister to the homeless downtown. Honestly, I am not ready for that. But I want to want to have a heart for it (which is the step before actually having a heart for it). But I know that if it is on the heart of God, then He will make it a priority to me as I align my heart with His.

So this is getting long and the sun is coming up, I am going to try to get some sleep. May the Lord who made heaven and earth, bless you from Zion!

Day 5

It's day five and this time of consecration is just beginning. I am loving it though. Tonight I was reading The Heavenly Man by Brother Yun. If you have not read it, YOU NEED TO READ THIS BOOK! This book will seriously change your ideas about what being a servant of Christ is all about. This guy was tortured, beaten, imprisoned and in the midst of it led thousands of people to the Lord during of intense persecution under a communist regime. It is amazing to me that this kind of abandoned lifestyle is what the Lord calls us to when we 'take up our cross and follow Him.' In Revelation 2:10 - Jesus tell the believers in Smyrna that they will suffer persecution, but the Lord doesn't call them to avoid it, He calls them to endure it and to remain faithful unto death.

"Do not fear any of those things that you are about to suffer. Behold, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and you will have tribulation ten days. Be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life."

These seem like pretty harsh words from the Lord. Why would He allow us to endure such trials? Romans 5:3-4 gives us an answer.

"And not only that, but we glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope."

So somehow in the midst of suffering for the gospel, the Lord uses it to train us and to give us the hope we need to trust in Him. I know that I am not ready to face anything close to what Brother Yun went through, but I am praying that as I seek the Lord, that He would prepare me to endure such trials if the time comes. So I will continue to behold and bless the Lord, especially in the midst of suffering, because He is the one endured the cross for me and He will give me the grace to endure suffering as well when the time comes.

Day 3 and 4

Unfortunately due to an all day and all night trip home from South Cakalaky, I was unable to blog yesterday. It's ok. We'll do two for one today. Two verses, one theme for your mediating pleasure. Alright, I have to admit the first one doesn't have the word behold in my translation, it is the same word and so I am going to use it anyway. Gen 22:13,

"Then Abraham lifted his eyes and looked, and there behind him was a ram caught in a thicket by its horns. So Abraham went and took the ram and offered it up for a burnt offering instead of his son."

And now to the New Testament, John 1:29,

"The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, "Behold The Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world!"

Here it is the dual fulfillment of the word that Abraham spoke to calm his worried son Isaac, "Don't worry. The Lord himself will provide the sacrifice." In the short-term He did. Abraham looked and saw a ram, a substitution to spare the life of his beloved son. But thousands of years later John the Baptist stood on the river bank and saw Jesus Christ as a lamb that would take away the sins of the world. Once again here is the substitution, the atonement, the one who will face the slaughter so that the beloved sons of God won't have to. This is one reality that I feel like I could gaze at for years and still be mystified by. God became a man and then died for people. Even as I write this I have to pause and look at it again. It seems incredible or foolish even. Surely God in all His infinite wisdom could have found a way to save humanity that didn't involve Him dying, couldn't He? No, the infinite wisdom of God declares that this was the only way that humans could be reconciled to God. There was no other way, no better plan. This is the wisdom of God. What kind of God is this?!? Once again I see that His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts and that when it comes down to it; I have no idea who this God is. The only solution: pray for the spirit of wisdom and revelation and keep reading His word and He will surely make Himself known.

Day 2

So far, it has been an interesting night at ZHOP...

At 11:30pm, the night watch meets together to brief for the night. Instead of having different teams brief for each two hour set, all 8 of us (5 from zhop and 3 of us from KC) get together to talk about what our focus will be for the entire six-hour shift. Tonight Tom Lacy, the leader of the night watch throws his bible to me and says, 'Hey Charity, why don't you tell the group what you were telling me earlier? We should focus on that tonight.' This is Tom's way of telling me to make up something on the fly. Suddenly everyone's focus is on me and I start to scroll through all the verses I know. Feigning confidence, I begin to flip through my bible, I think to myself, 'I might as well give them a beholding verse right?' Then it hits me. I confidently state, 'Everyone turn to Revelation 21:5,

Then He who sat on the throne said, 'Behold, I make all things new.' And He said to me, 'Write, for these things are true and faithful.'

Whew...I throw the bible back to Tom and sit down. Then Tom throws the bible back to me says, 'So what is our prayer focus for intercession tonight?' 'Well, um, since God is a God of restoration, we are going to pray for the restoration of this land (the old PTL property) and the unity of the ministries here on base (morningstar, the cause, mahesh shavda and zhop).' A general wave of head nods pass through the room. Relieved, I toss the bible back to Tom.

Then Tom, immediately throws the bible back to me and says, 'could you give us a sermonette on the importance of meditating on scripture and an example of how you do that practically in your daily life?' I sigh noticeably, but the zhop kids look really interested in my answer so I know that I can't make something up. Sighing again, I tell them about the importance of having the word inside them and confess to them that I am much more of a scholar than a contemplative and tell them that most of the time my meditation on the word involves cross references and commentaries rather that pondering and pontificating. Once again I get the nod from the group and, hoping this is the last time, toss the bible back to Tom. This time he holds on to it and the last order of business is to assign singers for the 12am intercession set. 'Charity, can you be on first response?' Sigh. 'Yep, of course.' I don't sing, but they don't seem to mind, this is one of the first intercession sets they have had in months because they haven't had enough people to run one. It is my last night at ZHOP this week, but it certainly won't be the last ever. It is 'little, rough, and ugly,' but it is beautiful to the Lord and beautiful to me.

So I hope that you are able to 'behold and bless the Lord,' even in the most unlikely of circumstances!

Day 1

Even though I am currently on vacation at the Zadok House of Prayer in South Carolina, (that's right I went to another house of prayer for my vacation...), I am still joining with the kids in KC to mark today as the start of the 90 days of consecration. And like any good IHOPer I am obliged to begin any treatise on 'beholding' with Psalm 27:4:

"One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the
beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in His temple."

Actually, this is not strictly and IHOP ideal, in fact tonight Kirk Bennet was speaking at the Zadok School of the Priests and the necessity of messengers living a priestly lifestyle. He said that priests were the ones who should keep knowledge and that they are the messengers of the Lord (Mal 2:7). How did these priests get this message? It came from dwelling in the house of the Lord, beholding the beauty of the Lord, and inquiring in His temple. The three-fold call to dwell, behold, and inquire is necessary in the preparation of messengers (which we are all about at FSM).

One last note about this 90 days is that consecration is not about becoming more holy or better for better's sake, but it is about separating ourselves to prepare for the purpose of encounter. So, my prayer for anyone who stumbles across this blog is that you would prepare for an encounter with the Lord, and as you behold Him that you would truly meet the King of Kings in a new way.

90 Days of Consecration

I hope that everyone had a Merry Christmas and a Happy Onething!

Now it is 2007, time for new year's resolutions, or if you are on the nightwatch at IHOP, it is time for the 90 days of consecration. You might be asking yourself, "What is the 90 days of consecration?" Well, as a nightwatch we are going to spend the next three months seeking the Lord in a very intentional way. Some things like no talking in the Prayer Room for 90 days, a 21 day fast, weekly meetings to go through the Psalms of Ascents as well as learning how to live a focused life are on the agenda.

But the thing that I am most excited about is that I have purposed in my heart to be focused about 'beholding and blessing the Lord.' So for the past month I have been going through my bible to find every time it says the word, 'behold.' It seems to me that the word behold is like a double exclamation point in the word of God calling us to see, look, do a double take and even gaze at what the Lord is describing, and every night for the next 90 days I am going to meditate on a verse about beholding. So, now starting Friday, January 5th, I will share my verse of the day with your and hopefully a few thoughts to go with it. Hopefully this will be a blessing for some of you who desire to stand in the night (or day) and bless the Lord.

So check it out.